Saturday, April 16, 2005

Tribute to MA

徵文:母親的故事

電影中陳沖飾演的Ma讓我們想起了自己的母親,在母親節前夕,我們邀請所有朋友一起來寫母親的故事。(請用comment功能回文。)

Mom is great. Let's give tribute to our mom as Mother's Day approaching.

Submit your piece about your mom as comments to this post.


11 Comments:

Blogger yy said...

導演說:「邀大家寫點東西吧!大家看完我拍的電影,我也很想聽聽別人的故事。」

所以我們才有了徵文的活動。

知道大家都有矜持的美德,我們只好先從自己開始寫起。come out的花絮,我在別的地方說得很多了,但似乎還不曾寫過什麼關於我媽的東西,就趁這機會說說她的故事吧!

我媽是我所見過心地最善良的一個人。她也是我所見過最合適娶回家當男人老婆的女人,只是不知道男人夠不夠格享有這個福氣娶得我媽這種女人。

我的外公在我媽還小的時候被自己的兄弟倒債,一下子承受不起,丟下妻兒,循黃泉路去。我媽家職畢業之後,工作過一陣子,和許多女人一樣,過渡過一段短暫的小姐生涯,不久便結了婚,嫁給了我爸─一個工人家庭出身的大學畢業生。我媽當媳婦的本事到現在我還沒見過有那一個人比得上的,夫家的事當作自己的事,難怪我爺爺奶奶始終對她疼愛有加、讚不絕口。我爸是長子,一大家子上有老的下有小的,五個弟弟當時有的作工、有的讀書,回家來換下的一堆衣服,當然不能再讓老的來洗,結婚初期都落在我媽肩上。爺爺奶奶膝下無女,常說跟我媽投緣,是將我媽當成自己的女兒來待的;不過我們家是這樣子的,過年的時候大家一起吃飯,所有的男人坐在客廳聊天,小孩在客廳玩耍,而所有的女人都在廚房裡頭忙進忙出,菜煮好了,女人也都是最後才入席動筷。沒有辦法,老一輩的規矩如此,我奶奶自己是這樣子伺候我爺爺和她那六個兒子,那一個過門的媳婦好意思先她入席呢?

我爸自視很高,脾氣很大,這兩樣東西給他帶來的苦頭,至今他都還在承受。我讀小學的時候,他在外頭花天酒地,留下我媽在家裡照顧小孩、打點家裡;跟那個年代的很多其他妻子一樣,我媽後來也成為徵信社的主顧,逮著了證據,趁著還年輕原可拿一筆贍養費,離開從頭開始,卻硬是被夫家的娘家的所有人勸哪拉呀給留了下來,「看在我們兩個老的面上,看在孩子還小的份上。」他們那時是這樣說的。多年之後,孩子大了,還是沒法躲掉站在審判長面前幫母親訴求離婚的命運。對啊!我媽一直到五十歲才重獲自由,開始她自己想要的生活,在那之前,她是個不開心的妻子,不開心、卻無能為力,她走訪大小廟宇,求的還是公婆身體健康、丈夫事業順遂、兒女學業進步,那就是她生活的全部重心。

這樣一個賢妻良母,到頭來鬧上法院離婚,是很多人都不敢置信的;他們彷彿不敢相信像我媽這樣一個視夫為天的女人在公婆、丈夫、子女之外,還會有其他的想望,一種叫做「為自己打算」的想望。那年我大四。徵信社事件之後沒有多久,我爸生意失敗,開始了他怨天尤人的生涯,不論在外頭如何,回到家裡,他就是天,也不知道是誰這樣教他的,不過他深信不疑,因為我媽確實也侍奉得他像個天;只是,天意一向難測,自古以來我們都這麼說的不是?吵吵鬧鬧、鬧鬧吵吵的日子過去,我媽漸漸終於也覺得受得夠了,提出離婚,結果被當成笑話一樣,大家說:「當年鬧成那樣,都沒有離了,現在老夫老妻,孩子都大了,還有什麼好離的呢?」

最後只好讓法院來回答這個問題,「有什麼好離的呢?」「不堪同居之虐待。」官司打到二審定讞,我爸終於放棄上訴。官司打了好一陣子,媽花了她當時積蓄的大半請了律師打這官司,家裡頭回不去了,親戚間也沒人敢收留,怕我爸去鬧,就連外婆她都還責怪我媽,說離了婚難看哪!說來也可笑,到頭來只有我和我弟是站在我媽這邊的,家家廳堂上供著的那本經,只有同在屋簷下的人懂得。

我爸直到現在都還不能理解,像我媽那樣一個溫順的女人,竟會作出這樣的決定,堅持離婚;想起來的時候,他還是會罵我,說我是我媽背後的黑手;罵久了我也不痛癢了,只是不懂,一個五十歲的女人要對自己的人生作出什麼決定,需要什麼背後的黑手嗎?說我支持我媽離婚,倒不如說我支持她的任何決定,特別是在連她的母親都不支持她的時候,她身邊還能有誰?一個二十多年來只知相夫教子、孝敬公婆的女人要重新開始單身的生活談何容易?她已經夠慌夠亂的了,能給她一點陪伴、一點安寧,有什麼好做不到的?

現在我媽自己一個人過得也挺逍遙的,愛上那兒上那兒,愛吃啥吃啥,不用成日張羅一家子三餐,當黃臉婆;工作是辛苦了點,畢竟年紀大了,我們總勸她就別幹得那麼累了吧,錢夠生活也就夠了,而她總還是會想幫女兒存點錢讀書,幫兒子存點錢創業。那個年代的女人,賺的錢不是很多,可攢錢都有一套,不像我們左手賺個十塊,右手伸出隨便就花掉至少九塊半;但那個年代的女人太會太會操心了,我覺得;要操心,就會很辛苦,我家的嬸嬸,半數以上養大了自己的小孩還得接著養小孩的小孩,我想,在外工作怎麼也比不得在家裡養小孩辛苦。

身為家裡的第一個孩子,打我有印象始,我媽總是將我當成一個大人來對待,我都不知自己的老成是天生的還是後天被她培養出來的。我相信有很多母親是像她一樣的,好像結了婚之後,就不該擁有自我,心裡的話,只能對身邊的孩子說,逼得急了,也就顧不得孩子到底大了沒有。我在電影中看見導演對於母親這個角色的寵愛,那份情愫,多少讓我有些釋懷;母親在家裡往往都是那個付出最多關愛可是回收最少的人,過去的事隨隨便便算了吧,是人,都有身不由己的時刻。

有時我想,自己變成了一個QUEER也是不錯的,反正是自由似乎都需要付出代價。我媽五十歲時重獲自由,付出的是近乎眾叛親離的代價,連自己的母親都覺得丟人不想認她;倘若那樣的生活是一個這社會下女人所被期待擁有的,那我真會覺得:「你們……還是不要將我算進去的好吧!」

﹝寫完了這個,換換別人來寫寫吧!我也只有這一個媽啊!﹞

17/4/05 12:53  
Anonymous Yaya said...

Read YY's. Very well written.

17/4/05 21:47  
Blogger yy said...

別光read啊
要write... 0:

17/4/05 23:44  
Anonymous Yaya said...

Writer's Block...

:(

18/4/05 00:51  
Blogger onigiri said...

your mom sounds awesome -- very strong with a lot of backbone. i'm glad that she's finally living the life that she's always wanted, with the freedom that she deserves.

i think that women, esp. of our mothers' generation, are much more resilient than our male counterparts because, in general, we have to deal with a lot more shiznit than they do.

i mean, to varying degrees, both men and women live "scripted" lives written by cultural or societal "norms". however, a woman tends to have it worse because not only does she have to know her own role, she also has to know everyone else’s – because she’s everyone’s understudy. she’s the one who has to step in if anyone else forgets their lines and cannot perform. she is the one who has to hold everything together.

however, as great as i think that is, this resilience of ours, it's always inspiring to see a woman who managed to move beyond her scripted role.

18/4/05 10:13  
Anonymous Yaya said...

感覺好像是我媽娶了我爸﹐而不是嫁給我爸。

22/4/05 16:35  
Blogger onigiri said...

unfortunately, i think that's true for a lot of women.

22/4/05 19:50  
Anonymous Yaya said...

Superman must have been a woman...

22/4/05 23:15  
Anonymous Yaya said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3/5/05 18:41  
Blogger yy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4/5/05 12:56  
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